Hello and welcome to The Big Night In. We talk recipes, restaurants, and the occasional bit of drivel. If somehow you have slipped into my house and are still not subscribed, don’t worry, we can fix that:
Flies are so dumb. I’ve watched this one fly wind up and knock itself into every part of the room for hours now, bar the open window and open door. I would feel pity except flies vomit on your food, which is incredibly rude.
This Letter Includes:
A recipe for a one-pot pasta that you can’t make ahead, please don’t make ahead.
Anxiety?
I love being alone. I hate being alone.
Romy watches Bridgerton!
^ There is a reason Jonathan Bailey is for the boys.
Yes, yes; Ed Westwick is alive and well.
Here today to talk about fennel pasta. Here today to talk about beans in fennel pasta. Here today to talk about how profoundly sick I am of uncalled-for anxiety. Lastly, here today to talk about the dire importance of lemon in fennel pasta with beans. Woah. In a twist that will surprise no one, I’m starting with anxiety before I talk about beans. As ever, you can scroll down to the recipe to avoid the banal chitchatter about the humdrum and the pishposh. (Don’t, we have fun up here). I promise promise promise next week’s letter will be exclusively food focussed. Think, some of my tip top tips about cooking for a lot of people, my famous fried chicken recipe, and probably a moment for pickles. As with every newsletter, there is always a moment for pickles. Though, I’m not apologising for talking about other things too, simply getting you primed for what’s to come.
I lament days spent in airports alone, eating burger king, wondering if someone I knew was around the corner, waiting with fresh judgment. My only concern hurriedly buying data for whichever country I was headed to. I would sit on ugly carpeted floors and feel so alone in such a mollified way. I have travelled a good amount (ish) in my short life, and my favourite part (don’t tell my family or my boyfriend) is being alone with nothing but time and the prospect of a good bookshop.
I don’t know that I can talk about anxiety in a way that will help anyone. I just wanted to touch on it for those who feel like me. If you’ve been keeping up with the Joneses (my instagram stories) you’ll know I’ve recently unearthed coffee. Dangerous and bitter and oh so so good.
Coffee leant up against a wall and flashed come hither eyes at me. I’ve been weak ever since.
For the most part, I feel like I could make horses fly and bare-knuckle with gryphons. Sometimes though, when my stupid autonomic nervous system gets yelled at by a boss, or scoffed at by a 20-year-old, or sees a really pretty friend making lots of money, coffee reveals itself the enemy. My heart races or i’m embarrassed, or I dislike myself, or I want to cry, and then I just have to…wait it out. The noise in my head can be so incessant or non-existent and sometimes I don’t get any say. I’m working on it, really I am. I want to note, I do not have crippling anxiety; I’m a regular shmegular human, but I feel things too! Don’t we all? Isn’t that the catch to the whole higher cognitive processing thing? Like, we get to be top of the food chain but only if we suffer existentialism. Is Ritalin an appropriate response to my woes? Asking for a friend.
I won’t go too too much into the specifics of when I do and don’t give a flying f*ck about things. (Often dependent on my ovulating; I know that much). I will dole out my two cents though. If you are like me, and your heart and head are often racing - make time for kickboxing. Or whatever your kickboxing is: running, dancing, horse riding, swimming in the ocean, rock climbing. (A reminder you are allowed to be bad at hobbies). Just something that doesn’t give your brain space to exhaustively ponder. Something that spurs endorphins. If you’re really bad at plucking up the energy/courage/time to do it, invest in yourself and join a class or get a trainer. The motivation of someone else is invaluable. Much better than another thrifted outfit you’ll only wear once.
I’m always looking to quieten my busy brain. To give it burger king and airport carpets and bookshops (and kickboxing). Substack is one of those ways, NYTs connections (surprisingly) is another. Ocean swimming, puzzles, crocheting, baking, and of course, cooking. I don’t know why I wrote crocheting, I’ve never crocheted in my life. I think I’d like to. Throwing clay and knitting would all work a treat too. In lieu of all those things, this week I chose taking a bath at my parents house and cooking something simple.
After rushing to make another social media food video, good enough to hold dwindling attention spans, I sat outside to eat this exact bowl of fennel pasta. It was so good? Not that I was surprised, I’d recipe tested it over 4 times after all. Eating this though, I was almost on that airport floor. If that isn’t reason enough to make it, I am bereft, and you hate fennel, clearly.
For those of you who have been loving the lighthearted recs, here, take ‘em.
What I’m watching: It is not exactly vital news that I successfully started watching Bridgerton (my fourth attempt). I love a steamy period drama, but the stakes don’t feel high enough in Bridgerton. Is it just me?? Is a ‘scandal’ ever that scandalous?* I don’t know that anything is outrageous. I enjoy it. I’ve binged it. It’s a fun, whimsical watch, but… eh. I want more stakes. I want more consequence. I want more Nicola Coughlan, but not the shrivelling stutterer they make her. I want the razor tongue and sharp confidence. What fun we would all have!
Coming up next on ‘what I’m watching’… The Three Body Problem. No one spoil it for me. It’s been recommended to me several times, and as I am the arbiter of actually good shows, and the only person you can rely upon, watch this space.
What I’m reading: Fourth Wing. I’m hiding behind my hands because this is a ‘if you know, you know’ situation. The book is pure dopamine, and we’ve established I’ll take all I can get. It’s fantasy, it’s enemies to lovers, it’s a bit of sexual tension, it’s a lot of dragons (no bestiality, but there is heavy suggestion of dragon sex which made me giggle, because how), and it’s full of plot holes you just have to ignore okay?
What I’m listening to: (I want to say Normal Gossip but I said that already; go visit a podcast provider near you). Today, I’m introducing you to two musicians/bands that I almost guarantee you don’t know (but you really do). Granted, I’ve only listened to one song by her, but Bluebiird’s ‘Black Coffee Morning’ is a doozy. She does spell that with two i’s. Oh, and Bluebiird is Emily Osment. Hannah Montana’s best friend. What?! I love it, I love her. I adore seeing loveable child stars pull out good stuff. Your next offering, and you are so welcome for this, is the band ‘For You’.
I ask, Upper East Siders, have you ever wanted to see Ed Westwick sporting a leather jacket and a coquettish grin live? Perhaps fronting a pop/rock band that feels a little 70s and 2010s at the same time? Then do I have such wonderful news for you.
*What does feel scandalous, is how insanely riveting Jonathan Bailey is. Any slight movement an arm muscle makes. Any knitting of brows. Any intake of breath. Hell, he was spotted running a breezy marathon in London just last week, and the man was as sweaty as a statue. I look like a wheezy raccoon after one click. Of course the girls don’t get to have him. I’d probably start believing in god if even one of us was that lucky in this (still) patriarchy.
What you missed if you aren’t on my social media (shame upon your household):
The Recipe
Spicy Fennel & Bean Pasta
I am unapologetically excited by this pasta. It has no business being this good, which is why I’m all giddy and prickly. I think the quality of ingredients (it’s citrus season, the parm cost 16 dollars, I got that good good pasta etc.) is partially at fault, and the other is how much time we give that fennel and onion. Early on in my learning to cook, someone’s Indian mother or boyfriend (I truly forget who) told me their curries had depth of flavour because they were patient with their onions. Ever since, I have been patient with my onions. I’m uninspired by one-pot things, they usually do me dirty, but ever since the days of The Stew (Alison Roman nod), I have loved mashing beans into things. Blenders for soup are so passé. I actually love blenders but they are a pain to clean.
Chicken stock is doing the most in this dish so if you can make your own, or get that really good gelatinous stuff from an upmarket deli, do. I used Oxo stock cubes and bahh this was still phenomenal. It’s light but great for winter. It doesn’t pretend to be anything special, but it is moreish. It’s a dish nana Shirley get’s up from and goes ‘ah that hit the spot’. ‘Just what I needed dear, thank you’. You’re welcome nana Shirl.
While I might be liberal in my recipes about herbs, I am in fact, lying to you. Herbs are not interchangeable, but sometimes, a herb is better than no herb. Which is where I give you permission to change your herb. Here, parsley is almost essential to the dish. Not a 'nice to have’; and the only substitute for for fennel fronds is dill.
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, thinly sliced
1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced (save fronds for garnish)
4 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
2 teaspoons chilli flakes
1 Lemon, zested
1 can of white beans, drained
Dry White Wine (optional)
2 cups Short Pasta
3-4 cups Chicken Stock
1/2 cup of Parsley, finely chopped
1 Garlic Clove, grated
1/2 cup Parmesan, grated
Salt and Pepper to taste
Heat the olive oil and butter in a heavy bottomed pot. Add in the onion and fennel. Cook down, stirring occasionally, until jammy and slightly crispy and frizzled (about 15 minutes). Remove 1/4 of the onion/fennel mixture and set aside for topping the pasta with later.
Add the sliced garlic, chilli flakes, half the lemon zest, beans, salt, and a good crack of pepper to the pot. Mash down about 1/4 of the beans. Cook for 2 minutes.
Add a splash of white wine if you are using it (just under a 1/4 cup). Once the alcohol as cooked off (about 3 minutes), add in the pasta and chicken stock. Leave to simmer for 15 minutes or until the pasta is cooked to your preference. While the pasta is cooking, add the grated garlic and lemon zest to the parsley, mixing well.
Remove the pasta from the heat, stir in the juice of about half a lemon and serve immediately. The sauce should still be quite loose and soup-like.
Top with more lemon juice, freshly cracked black pepper, the parsley mixture, fennel fronds, and lots (lots!) of parmesan.
Notes:
Of course vegetable stock works as a substitute for vegetarians, but please only use this if you’re a vegetarian. Chicken stock or better than bouillon have more flavour because fat is flavour and I don’t think we need to elaborate.
Add in more chicken stock as needed. Different pastas need different amounts of liquid, so less is more initially.
The pasta will keep soaking up the liquid once you take it off the heat, so you will want to serve this straight away to avoid a mushy carb.
Any questions, ask in the comment thread!